Now that it's on Netflix, I just watched it again... For the nth time... Why do I put myself through that feeling again...
Best anime movie ever. Makoto Shinkai is a genius.
Hey what's up guys.
Phew. My last post was in 2013 huh? Looking back at this blog, I feel like I was so much of a different person back then. I forgot that I loved writing and updating this blog so much in those days.
So much has changed since then. Nowadays, I'm so much different. Not sure in a good way or a bad way. Because life situation now is so much different than before
Now I'm in my 6th - 7th year of my working career as a banker. Can you believe it? And it is so much different than life as a student. Gosh I missed those days. Life was so fun, care-free and exciting. My university life is definitely the prime time of my life as I experience the best moments during those years.
Nowadays, I'm ashamed to say that I am depressed most of the time. Most probably due to stressful workload and partially due to Covid-19. I haven't gone back to see my mum in almost a year due to lockdown.
Being an adult is so freaking hard. I don't know about you, but when I was a kid/teen, I've always wanted to be an adult as soon as possible since I want to be independent. I can play all the games I want, I can buy all the fast food I want, I can go out whenever I want, without having parents to tell you about your limits.
But now as an adult, I realized that independence comes with a price. When I was a kid, I forgot that being independent means that you also need to make your own money. No more living off your parents'. And making money is not easy. Harder than I could've imagined. I've stopped receiving money from my parents since I joined Uni, since I was forunate to have a scholarship. And I have started to give my parents money since I started working.
Living on your own is a challenge that every adult must overcome. You have to be self-disciplined and have self-control. You need to learn to take care of yourself. Believe it or not, even living by myself for the past 6-7 years, I still struggle with those basic necessities. I have times where I have trouble with managing my finances. I have problems with balancing work and personal life. I have problems with containing addictions. These are the things that teen-me would never have thought of back in the days. These responsibilities can really take a toll on you when you don't know how to manage them.
Wait, I didn't expect that I would write this long. It's already 2.30AM and I still feel like I wanted to write more. And tomorrow is a working day (WFH btw). I just forgot how enjoying and relieving it is to write and just express my feeling at the moment.
I think I would stop here and continue writing more soon. This may just be the way to solve my personal problems that I have been facing recently. Thanks to my two friends who I was playing Rocket League with just now as they suddenly brought out the topic of blogs and I just remembered that I had one back in the day. I spontaneously searched it and was kinda surpised that the page is still alive. Some posts were still getting views from random people somehow. I was so embarassed to share my blog link to my friends since I think that my blog posts back then will be so cringy to read through today lol.
Well, I can't hide the fact that that was the old me. A side of me that I forgot I was, until today.
Thanks for reading whoever you are, and good night.
Assalamu'alaikum readers.
If you read my previous entry, I said something about just joining a club called Steadfast. And I just got back from a 4 days motivational camp called Steadfast Enhancement Training organized by the committees from the club. It was held at a camp deep in a jungle in Sungkai, Perak. The camp was awesome!
All of the participants were divided into 7 groups of around 8 people each. I got into Group 1. My group mates are nice, fun and interesting people!
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| Group 1! From left, izwani, shifa, fauziah, asilah, syazwani, hafizuddin, me, zainul, iliyas |
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| Some of the ingredients that we bought at Carrefour |
At the camp, we have to cook breakfast, lunch and dinner for ourselves. A portable gas stove is provided by I also brought my own mess tin. If some of you don't know, mess tin is the most basic cooking equipment for a soldier, especially when he's in the jungle. It is really simple to cook using mess tin. And it has been proven that my mess tin has provided some benefits to my team. Cooked some 'lempeng' or pancakes in the mess tin. I never thought I could make pancakes in the mess tin. Most of the cooking is done by my female group mates of course! The guys (us) sometimes just stare helplessly at them, wondering if they could do anything to help. And sometimes we do help like cutting the onions and other simple stuffs like that, trying to be as helpful as possible. Cooking with my groupmates is also something to be cherished.
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| Even us guys can cook! |
Most of the activities during the camp were group activities. One of the earliest activities was the ice breaking session. It is not just an ordinary ice breaking session whereby everyone in the group make a circle and just introduce themselves one by one and bla bla bla. But there are a few twists in the module. We do not just have to introduce ourselves with the people in our group but also with people in the other groups. The circle of people in the groups keep changing and they ask us to somehow form groups with people we still don't know so that we can get to know all of the other Steadfastians better. It was a fun activity and I got to know more or less a bit about everyone in the club.
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| One of the activities is we should come up with a contraption to pop a balloon using the given materials, and the contraption above is based on my idea but the contraption failed :( |
And then there were 2 outdoor activities during the whole camp which is nightwalk and jungle trekking. Both of the activities are similar but one happens during the night and the other one on the next day. In nightwalk, all of the groups form one standard line beginning with group 1 all the way to group 7. I was in group 1 so I was at the front of the pack. We slowly walk through the jungle with very low flashlight support (purposely, so to feel the darkness) led by a few trainers who happens to be a army military dudes. The paths wasn't that jungle thick, like full with bushes and what not. It's just a path that rubber tappers go through when they are doing their work. The area there can be also called a rubber tree orchard if you ask me. Many rubber trees. So we walked around the forest for around an hour and suddenly we returned back to camp. As if we were just walking in circles.
The jungle trekking is similar to the nightwalk except that it happens in day time and the distance covered is longer. This time the route covered includes thick bushes and thorny plants. I was at the front of the pack again so I was helping Pak Long to clear the path by cutting some trees and bushes so that my friends can go through the paths easier. Pak Long is the lead trainer there and also an ex-commando in the Malaysian army. Me as an army boy was so excited to the max to see a real life commando in front of my eyes. FYI, it is a dream of every young army dudes to become a commando. The training and pain that one has go through to become a commando is unimaginable. So we trekked for around 2 hours (I think) and ended up going at a stream of a very wide river! We were allowed to go play around in the river but also have to take care of safety because the river was really rapid. Mandi sungai with friends is always a fun and memorable experience. The two outdoor activities were fun but not that challenging (for me at least). Well I guess I shouldn't put my expectation too high because I'm a part-time soldier and the participants in this club are just ordinary people. I bet Pak Long has something better in store if soldiers were to become the participants of his training!
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| Group 1 photo while jungle trekking. |
There were also some sentimental/emotional modules in the camp. It reminds us of who we are, who are we on this earth, and what is our obligation to Allah. It also made us to remember and repent for all the sins we made as a human being. Many of the participants tear up (cry) during this moments. This module is good because it is a reminder to us of who we are on this earth. We are the Khalifah of Allah and we are here to worship Him. Human always forgets. One other sentimental activity is when we are asked to sit face-to-face with a friend, hug him, and whisper to him honestly what bad qualities that he has and what qood qualities that he has. This surprisingly is quite a powerful module. It brings tears to a lot of us. Not just knowing that we have been doing something wrong, but also being told by a friend, in private, just for the sake of helping each other to become a better person. Maybe it's hard for me to explain why is this such a powerful emotional moment. It is something that must be experienced.
Overall, this camp is awesome. And it has shown me that Steadfast is not an ordinary facilitating club. The ukhuwwah or brotherhood between the members of this club is incredibly strong. Kinda similar to what I have with my ROTU squad, but from a different perspective. I'm glad that I have joined this club because I have made a lot of cool new friends. I hope that I can join the other upcoming programs organized by Steadfast especially primary and secondary school facilitating programs. That's basically what the main purpose of Steadfast. It is a school students facilitating club but behind the club are awesome nice people who are trying to make themselves better, make da'wah to people and at the same time make them closer to Allah. The motto of Steadfast is 'Aslih Nafsak Wad'u Ghairak' which means 'Purify Yourself and Preach Others'. Hopefully I can give full commitment to this club because I totally agree with what they are doing.
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| Group photo with all of Steadfastians who attend this program, at the kebun getah |
Thanks for reading readers!
Credits for pics: Me, Fauziah, Abang Jimmy, Kak Faz, Zainul
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